the bachelorette

Well, I'm single again. Sort of. Jonathan has been on a tour with a wind ensemble playing different venues around the southeast while I stayed home, being a slave to my career and taking care of our co-dependent cat. His departure last week reminded me of the fact that I'm just not all that clingy or needy when it comes to relationships.

There were no tears the day he left or fear that some unforseen tragedy would occur, just some "I love yous" before we parted in different directions.

Part of me feels sort of guilty for enjoying myself whenever he goes out of town. He usually drives home to visit his folks for a week around Thanksgiving and again during Christmas, so this is not the first time we've been separated. He leaves and I feel like the world is my oyster. I'm not closing down any bars or getting into trouble mind you, I just get to watch my Sopranos reruns in peace instead of having to sit through Man vs Wild and watch Bear Grylls drink his own pee. There are no three-hour negotiations on what we are having for dinner (this usually results in a trip to Sonic or toasted cheese sandwiches), I can have all the Waffle House and Popeye's Chicken my cholesterol can handle. I can troll around on YouTube without having to hand over the laptop so he can check his stock portfolio or the weather on his hunting lease.

It's the little things like this that I enjoy so. But sometimes I think that I am too independent. He tends to make his daily phone call when I am at a friend's house or in the middle of a good movie, so I sort of blow him off. My part of our conversations mainly consists of "yeah", "uh-huh", "work sucks", "love you babe", and "talk to you later". Poor guy, he deserves better. I wonder if he would rather me whine about when he's coming home instead of telling him it's okay to stop and see his folks for a day or two on his way back. It's not that I don't need him or miss having him around, I just ache for peace and quiet whenever I can get it. I'm kind of the same way at work.

The radio is always blaring classic rock or 80's heavy metal in the shop and people think it's so strange that I turn off the music when I'm working alone. In addition to Def Leppard, there is the constant buzz of the ultrasonic cleaners, the hum of the blower at the polishing station, the same 20 questions being asked to me over and over again, and the conversation amongst my employees regarding the episode of Family Guy they all watched last night. I swear if there were no South Park, Robot Chicken, Aquateen Hunger Force, or Family Guy, no one in that shop would have a word to say to each other.

I guess I'm just searching for some inner peace. I am sometimes envious of my single friends, the way they just go through life without having to consult anyone else about what to eat, what to do, or where to go. But ultimately, for someone like me who gets easily bored and lonely, this way of life is really only good for a few days. Usually by the time he gets back, I've worked all my wild oats out of my system and I'm ready to be wife-y again.

However today is not that day. It is Saturday, I am off work, and I shall life my life to the absolute fullest. There will be laundry and dishes washed, but only because I have neither socks to wear nor spoons to eat my Coco Puffs with. There will be cuddle time with baby kitty and the Sopranos episode where Carmela gets fed up with Tony's affairs and kicks him out. Oh, that's a good one. No sitting through Band of Brothers or Deadliest Catch, no trip to Bass Pro Shop.

Love and miss you honey, but you can take your time coming home. ;)