what happens in Akron, stays in Akron

Didya miss me?

(uncomfortable pause)

Okay, I know you probably didn't feel a distubance in the force while I was away, but you could just humor me here.

Oh! You did miss me? Really, you guys are just too kind.

All in all, I had a great week. Despite the fact that I was actually working, it felt more like a vacation. The company flew me up there, put me up in the Hilton, wined me and dined me, and taught me some advanced stone setting techniques. Sweet. Now I can go back to work and (theoretically) set pretty much any stone they put in front of me. I've been a jeweler for just under a year, so it is extremely gratifying to be able to use more advanced skills this early in my career; many jewelers go years without learning these kind of techniques. I can't imagine what I will be able to do a year from now or five years from now.

Whenever you go on a business trip with this company, you have to be ever so careful if you want to remain employed. As soon as meetings and training sessions are done for the day, the levees in Akron open up and the alchohol begins to flow around you in dangerous amounts. It amazes me how some people find it impossible to relax or enjoy themselves without vast quantities of liquor. I understand that flying and being away from home and all that can be stressful and some folks simply want to unwind with a beer. Fine. But if there are more than two people together, booze is a requirement. You can' t just go to the pool and hang out, you have to get sloshed and throw somebody in (last week, that somebody was a fully dressed me). You can't just sit around and get to know each other, you have to engage in deep discussions on religion and politics before a smorgasboard of cheap beer and hot wings. I enjoy a drink from time to time, but some folks have no concept of moderation. So you have to work hard to navigate all this and still have a job when you get home. There's always someone who has way too much fun at a meeting and wakes up from a drunken slumber to find a pink slip taped to their forehead. These stories become legends and serve as warnings to new employees traveling for the first time.

That's why I want a T-shirt that says, what happens in akron, stays in akron. I've gone on two trips during my three year tenure here and both times, I managed to work my butt off and enjoy myself without getting reprimanded or fired. Not everyone is so wise.

Aside from all the fun and the training and the beer, being gone for a week was harder on me than I originally thought. I got home late Friday night and spent most of Saturday in sort of a shocked stupor. For five days, I was told when to get up, when to eat, when to pee, when to party and now I suddenly have my old life back. I kept having this vague feeling that I should be doing something productive, but I wasn't sure what. So I just escaped into a slew of Grey's Anatomy reruns on my TiVo, finished this jacked-up book I bought at the airport, and pretty much avoided all household and marital-related responsibilities. I think I'm back to myself, though. I go back to work tomorrow and once again, I will be the one in charge. It will be an interesting experience. I just spent five days being shoveled around, three days being a lazy slob and tomorrow I'll go back to being everyone's mama.

I'm not too worried. Even if you all didn't miss me, I know my shop did.