unburdened

Today was one of those days at work where you plug one leak with your fingertip and another one sprouts and you plug that one, and it just goes on and on until you are spread out against the wall. Another one starts spewing near your forehead, but you can't stop it because your chin is busy right now.

That's really about the only way I can describe today. But there's no need to deal with that here, it's just your normal day at the jewelry store. I don't want to use this page (and those who read it) as some sort of self-help, Dr. Phil session to deal with the day-to-day workplace crap. So I'll dispense with that and just fill you in on the interesting stuff. Like last night. Man, I wish I could have seen this. Big fat roach about 2 inches long crawls across the showcase while the salesguy tries to sell a couple an engagement ring. Heh. I'm told he screamed like a little girl and the customers were more freaked out by him than the unwanted guest. How's that for romantic? That's Jared! Sorry. Couldn't help but throw in that annoying jingle.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that work problems come and go. People take turns being rude little backstabbers (I think a few of them are cutting in line), mistakes are made and then get dealt with, folks get hired and fired. Other things in our lives, other issues tend to stick around a bit longer and wear on our souls. At least, that's the case with me. I'd rather spend my days having to manouver through "well she stole my commission!" or "why can't I have this work done now?" or "we're trying to make sales, what are you doing, repairs?" than some of the other challenges and hardships that seem to have no end.

Usually my techniques for dealing with such problems consist of a) crying and b) prayer. Hmmm. Not the most advanced methods for problem solving, but it's all I've got. And I've been using them for the better part of my 26 years. Frustration, heartache, and anger build up and a good cry helps to relieve the mounting pressure. I hate crying, especially in front of anyone. Plus, I'm an ugly crier; I get all red and splotchy and my waterproof eye makeup quickly fails me. However there are times when you just gotta. You can feel nauseated for hours on end, or you can just close your eyes, puke your guts out, and start down the road to recovery. I spent some time this evening blubbering over the phone to my mom and the world now seems just a shade or two brighter than it was. Maybe it was the long-awaited release of tears, or the support of a loving mother. Doesn't matter I guess.

The latter of my two tried-and-true techniques I do all too rarely. Prayer is an unbelievably humbling experience for me. It is useless to lie or sugarcoat the truth. He knows what I am going to ask for, what I will undoubtedly ask forgiveness for, and what I am so grateful for, even before I open my mind to Him. He knows the root of the problem, saw it happen, and can see how it will untangle itself even though I can not.

So what's the point in praying? Why bother?

Just so you know, I sat here and stared at that blinking cursor for quite some time. Why pray? Well the Bible says to, of course. My only honest, from-the-heart answer is that God wants to hear it from me. Straight from the horse's mouth, so to speak. If Jonathan is going through great emotional distress, chances are I'm going to be very much aware of it, even if he doesn't tell me about it. Why? I'm his wife. I'm a part of him, and he of me. The last thing I would want would be for someone I love to carry a heavy burden alone. I'm willing to share it, that's why I married him. I doubt God wants me to trudge through the trials of life when His help is readily available. The hard thing about prayer is that answers don't always come on our timetable. We want to hear YES!! without delay. People, myself included, are incredibly impatient. Dial-up is too slow, so we upgrade to DSL. No time to watch the commercials, so we TiVo our favorite show. But God is not digital, he can't email His answers to your blackberry. And when He does answer, it is not necessarily the response we wanted.

Once again, why pray?

Prayer always helps me find a sense of calm when I so desperately need it. Call it "inner peace", call it "nirvana", call it whatever you want. Cheesy? Quite possibly. Too simple an answer? Sorry. It's all I've got. Too often I use prayer when other conventional methods have failed. But perhaps that's exactly why they all failed. I've got my priorities backwards. Maybe I should pray first and then take action having God on the same page.

I have found that when I pray, I feel a compulsion to tell him how grateful I am for what He has given me. Over time, I have felt the need to do this first, like I should say "thank you" before I start rattling off my long list of requests. My prayers seem to have fallen into a fairly predictable pattern. One does not have to be God to figure out what I'm going to say next. But I don't think my choice of words or my repetitiveness is the issue. My thesaurus is better left to be used while blogging, rather than while praying.

I'm going to try to keep all this in mind when I say my prayers tonight before bed. I'll stumble through my usual conversation, but it'll be okay. He'll just be glad I called.