Amanda's 2006 Top 5 Transgressions Against Mankind
So, yeah, Jonathan is out of town for a week or so. Doing recreational things back home like napping, refraining from bathing, and hunting that one giant buck he saw back around Thanksgiving. While I'm stuck here makin' the donuts as they say. My confession? I had mint doublestuff oreos marinated in milk for supper last night. That's stooping pretty low, even by my standards. Especially since we have that huge Christmas ham in the fridge in all its honeybaked goodness. Too lazy for the microwave, that's me.
You better be sitting down for this one, folks. Way worse than the confectionary sin. I seriously just watched High School Musical on the Disney Channel. And I...(gulp)...liked it. Yes it was all unrealistic and politically correct and had the overly happy song and dance at the end, but I just couldn't resist. I succumbed to the temptation of the cheese. And it was glorious. First it was The Sound of Music on Christmas night. Then the movie version of Annie. And now this. The shame is almost too much to bear.
My bedtime is about 10:30 these days. I'm really in no position to make fun of my mom and sister anymore. I crave sleep like my tragically-seasonal mint oreos. Mmmmm. Oreos. I feel another pang coming on...
I am now the proud owner of a bluetooth. No, no, not a blue tooth, a bluetooth. You know, one of those things people stick in their ear and proceed to walk through life like mindless zombies? I hate it when one of the living dead comes up to the repair window and I try to talk to them. Of course I get embarassed and feel like a dope when I notice their earpiece but hey, that guy has ABSOLUTELY NO FRIGGIN' CLUE that I exist. Quite frankly, he's probably shocked when he ends his call and realizes he's standing in a jewelry store and not the Starbucks next door. I vow to not be like them. I refuse to join the Borg collective. It's good for driving, but that's it. I won't walk around in public as if to say, "Look at me! I am wealthy enough to spend thirty bucks Best Buy!"
Well, I guess I thought that this day would never really come, but it did. The nonoffensive mounted black duck atop my mantel has been replaced by the buck Jonathan shot last fall. If I sit in my favorite chair to watch TV, the stupid thing is staring at me. It was supposed to be looking toward the front door (I assume to scare off religious kooks and the occassional girl scout) but no, it stares at me. So the other day I stuck a santa hat on him and proceeded to dramatically eat the deer jerky he so generously provided. Mmmmm...num num...want some? No? Okay, more for me. As if being shot and put permanently on display in our home wasn't humilation enough.
So that's pretty much the extent of my Transgressions Against Mankind for 2006. I'll just omit all the actual horrible things I did and said and participated in. All of the other miscellaneous sins I'll just have to take to the guy upstairs. And I won't need my bluetooth to get him to listen. ;)
Happy New Year!
